I want to quite life for a litte bit

I feel like running away from the world right now. Its about that time though, for a span of depression. Its been over due anyway. Yeah...just when things in my life seem awesome...smiling and laughing more, people saying how much happier I seem. I start to feel like things are actually ok in my life. And then...what happens..well...everyhting just kinda goes down the crapper. And throws me into one of my ridiculous bouts of depression.
Oh but Im fighting this one. Or Im trying. Its not going so well. Because so far this week..I havent really done anything to have fun. Or hung out with anyone either. I mean, karaoke this week was a friggen blast. I needed that. But it was a few hours. Then right back to this being stuck at home being lame thing. And I hate it. And I keep seeming to find things that just upset me or tick me off more. I should just sleep till this is over. Wake up..if I feel crappy...just go back to sleep. If I work..then fine...I will come home and just go right back to sleep.

So tonight...was looking to have a nice night out to the movies with a few friends I havent hung with much lately. Going to see Pirates of the Carribian 2 at midnight. But of course...I have some awesome friends *sarcasim, ahem*. So they went and got tickets without me. Which..I said, fine I will just go now and get mine. So I go..I get mine. And call them to say I got it. They said theater 2. Well..my ticket said theater 1. And they couldnt change it because 2 was sold out. And wont refund it because..they are just gay. So now Im stuck with this ticket to the midnight premier of one of my fav movie sequels...and I have no one to go with. I mean not a soul. People got to get up early, dont want to, have plans to see it other nights with other people. So I guess Im going to be major LAME and go see it alone.

Im ticked off. I hate when people do this to me. It happens to often. And I just take it because I dont have the heart to say something or object or point out the crappiness of the situation to anyone thats invovled. So instead I go and see movie premiers alone.

I want to run away from life for a while. Things were good. I got close to an amazing group of people, in turn made new best friends. I finally get over Justin for real because an amazing guy came into the picture and just blew Justin right the heck out of my mind. Getting good hours at my job making decent money for once..able to keep up on my bills for the first time in a while. Feeling pretty darn good and happy as heck.

And then. My mom decides to come home. So back to the nonsense of this house. Which automatically brings tons of stress, fights, arguing. Making me never want to be home. Making me want to close parts of myself off to other people again. But no, because I have things going for me and some awesome friends to help me out. Hours start getting cut from work. Might be looking at getting fired or something. Went from 40+ hours a week to at the least, one day a week, maybe two. More parent/house issues arise each day it seems. One of my best friends moves 3 hours away. Most of my other friends just arent the same and just kinda suck now. Amazing guy happens to be great friend- always was bad timing and circumstances. Finally seems like...well...maybe who knows. Amazing guy kinda meets gorgeous girl...not a chance in hell for me anymore. And I mean that. He thinks of her 'where have you been all my life." Funny, I think the same of him. Too bad for me. And some more sucky friends, sucky days, plans getting screwed, no plans at all. Justin happens to waltz back into the picture. Acting like thigns are cool with us. Me trying to blow him off, doing good at it, but still upset, confused, mad, happy to see him mix of thigns goin on.

I dont get it. This is a vicious pattern. Its like...build it up..and then...break it down. Over and over. Good things never stay good. Eventually anything good will fade or fall apart. Things are buitl up to a peak, some longer than others, and once the peak is reached, that goodness fades or falls apart. And youre down. Until more thigns start to look good. But then...we start the cycle again. Thats life I think. Or mine.

I currently would like to do the following things:
scream, go boxing, see this movie with someone, get a hold of any of my friends that are cool so Ic an talk, tell off Justin for good, share some 'thoughts' with an old best friend, tell an amazing boy hes amazing and use his own line of 'where have you been all my life' on him, drive somewhere far with loud music to relax maybe, pack my things and leave, quite life for a little bit, and definetly somewhere in that mix, get some food because Im straving. OH...and maybe have people call me back so I can figure out if Im eating alone too or not.

Well God...this is your call. I dont get it. I dont understand this cycle Im in. I dont understand why it seems You put good things in my life and then take them away in some form or another. I learn alot from it most of the time. But I dont understand the hurt that I have to go through to get the lessons. Why cant it be taught through something good that will last? Maybe Im not meant to know. Only You know that. I just pray You will somehow help me understand all this right now. Because my heart is hurting and my head is confused and I dont know what it is Im suppose to do.